Making a New Friend

I am not a frequent user of text messaging on my phone, even though it seems to be the way to communicate now days.  When I do receive a message, it is almost always from one of my kids or my wife.  Sharon is really into texting, but when I receive a message, I am more likely to make a call than respond with a message.  I like to talk to real people in real time. 

Last weekend I was in the Target store with some of the family as they were shopping.  To my surprise, my phone indicated that I was the recipient of a text message.  Here was the message:
“All u can eat crawfish 2morrow call me in am if u wanna go”

There was no name associated with the message, only a phone number.  It was a 214 number so I knew it was someone in Dallas.  However, I could not think of anyone who I know, or who knows me, who would be inviting me to a crawfish feed on Sunday morning.  I don’t like crawfish and I am normally busy on Sunday morning. 

The easy, and probably the correct thing to do would have been to ignore the message or send a reply indicating they had the wrong number.  But, it’s Saturday evening and I’m in the Target trying to stay occupied while the others shop, so I decided to make a new friend.  I send a very short reply.
“Im n” (The great thing about texting is that you do not need to know spelling or punctuation.)

During this whole process, I felt like I was fishing.  So far, I have thrown the baited hook into the water and it was not long until I had a bite.  He quickly replied with one word, “cool.”

I had a nibble but it was important to set the hook so I wrote back, “Can u pick me up?”

I wanted to engage him in further conversation to make sure this new friendship might go somewhere.  Sure enough, I had him when he wrote back, “Yes around 11?” 

In order to keep the conversation going I pushed a little to see how far he would go.  I wrote, “the usual place?” just to see if he would speculate where that might be. 

However, he was little confused when he replied, “wheres that?”

“Where we usually meet. Can I bring a friend?” I replied. 

By this time, my son had decided to join the conversation so he texted my new friend a message asking if he could join us for crawfish.  If I can continue the fishing analogy, it was like I had him on the line and Jeremy was going to scoop him up with a net. You could tell he was confused because he thought he knew me, but he had no idea about the other guy.  So he asked Jeremy several questions about his identity and then finally made a phone call to actually talk in person.  They talked for a few minutes and tried to discern how they knew each other.  However, their conversation provided my new friend’s name – Chris Jones. 

Returning to our conversation about the place we usually meet, Chris asked, “Screaming lizard?”  I assumed it was probably a bar but have since discovered that it is a customizing shop for Jeeps. 
Still wanting to keep Chris going, I wrote back, “No – the place where we met Jeremy” 

I thought he might tie everything together and be good to go, but he began to free himself from my fishing line.  He said, “I don’t know what ur talking about” 

I took a chance and asked, “r u chris?” 

“Si” was his quick response, testing my Spanish skills. 

“U 4got our usual place – im hurt” I said, feeling proud about my use of abbreviations. 

Now he gives up and just reveals his name, “Chris Jones” 

After a few more meaningless exchanges, we both gave up. He said, “do u know who ur talking 2? Chris jones from jk”

I finally said, “I have no idea who im talking to but I have had fun doing it. R we still on for crawfish”
Amazingly, his final reply was “Yes” 

At this point, my phone rang and it was Chris wanting to know my identity.  After a brief verbal conversation, I am not sure Chris was convinced that he did not know me from somewhere.   It would not surprise me if he expected me to show up and help eat crawfish on Sunday morning.  Although we had spent thirty to forty-five minutes in back and forth conversations, we do not know each other any better than before we started. 

That is the world we live in.  Communication is happening constantly.  With all the social networking resources and electronic gadgets there is never an excuse for not knowing what everyone else is thinking or doing at any given moment. 

However, there is something impersonal about the whole thing.  In spite of all the communication, there is very little person-to-person, voice to ear conversation occurring.  When we want someone to know something, often the first choice is a text message, email, or just leave a message on their answering machine.  When you call a business, it is rare to hear a real person on the phone.  If you want to know how I’m doing or what is new in my life, there is no need to ask, just look at my Facebook page.

We have all of this conversation and sharing of our lives, but there is very little personal interaction taking place.  I wonder if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  As I said earlier, the entire conversation with my new friend Chris took more than thirty minutes (he seemed much more experienced in sending text messages).  I know if we would have spent thirty minutes on the phone together or visiting in person, we would know each other very well.  Yet, all I know about him is that he likes crawfish and possibly drives a customized jeep.  All he knows about me is that I am goof ball who will waste thirty minutes texting a complete stranger. 

In order to know someone, to know them well enough to be a friend, requires more than just reading their Facebook page or engaging them in meaningless text message swapping.  There is no substitute for spending time together in order to develop a friendship; hearing the tone of their voice, seeing the creases on their forehead, and feeling the touch of their hands.  To have this kind of experience requires time.  Time is something that many are unwilling to give up.  That is one of the amazing things about Jesus.  It seems that no matter how pressed He was by the crowd, he always had the time to deal with an individual.  Perhaps the next time I receive a text message from a wrong number, I will find the time to make a personal call.  Who knows, it might be the start of a new friendship. 

Comments

[Chuck]

It might even be an opportunity to share the Gospel - imagine that! Try the 2 Evangelism Explosion "Diagnostic Questions:"
1. Have you come to the place in your spiritual life where you know for certain that - if you died today - you would go to Heaven, or is that something you would say you're still working on?
2. Suppose you were to die today, and stand before God, and He were to say to you, "Why should I let you into my Heaven?" What would you say?

Have fun!

[Steve]

Good article Terry. Unfortunately this is a train that has left the station sometime back. Our world is changing, people's interactions are changing, and the hard part is not trying to stop it, but what to do about it. We have created an environment for "easy instantaneous texting like salvation" that should make us all ponder.

[Geoff Bray]

So, here's some pondering on it.

Why is email better than letters? Because email is short and quick and it gets to the recipient quickly and for free. I'm WAY more likely to write one than a letter and it is a lot easier to keep up with addresses. And email is convenient. I do it at a convenient time for me and the recipient reads / replies at a convenient time for them.

Why is texting better than phone calls? Because phone calls are inherently disruptive. I'm never sitting around waiting for phone calls. So, they always interrupt what I'm doing. At text message is similar to email in that it is more on my schedule ... and I can reply when I'm ready. It's more immediate and more accessible than email. It also allows me to communicate in noisy environments or in places where I can't stop to take a phone call. It also allows for easy touch-points. Maybe something isn't "worth" the hassle of bothering someone with a phone call to disrupt their day ... but it is worth a text. i.e. Missed u @ gym today.

What is great about facebook? The status thing can be excessive and full of drivel but it also can be good. Things like a buddy of mine recent finishing his first marathon. It's a little aggrandizing for him to email EVERYONE in his address book to toot his horn but he can update his status and post pictures. We don't talk that much but I've done a couple of marathons and know it's a big deal so then I call and talk to him. Similar deal with a buddy having back problems. Or me needing a new version of Quicken.

There are certainly downsides to all of these new technologies and it will take society a "while" to figure out the "rules" of using them - i.e. Please don't talk on your cell phone in the restroom - surely one of those two things can wait a minute. ;-)

These things are always an adjustment so let's jump on-board and figure out the good stuff as well as the appropriate use of them.