Thirty-five Down and Thirty-five to Go

Thirty-five years ago, my father officiated at our wedding ceremony in the sanctuary of First Southern Baptist Church in Northglenn Colorado. I remember two things about his involvement that day. As you would expect in the moments before a wedding ceremony begins, there was a substantial cloud of tension. Just before he led the groomsmen in the procession to the front of the auditorium, he turned to me and said, "This is your final chance to back out." I think he was trying to tap the relief valve and reduce some of the tension in the room. I have used that same stupid joke several times myself to coax a chuckle from a groom who was overly stressed.

The other memorable part of my father’s participation has to do with the Unity Candle we lit at the conclusion of the ceremony. The bride and groom take two candles and light a third candle in the center, symbolizing how the two now have become one. However, Sharon and I forgot to extinguish the two original candles. For years, my father would comment that the two became three. Well, the two did become three a few years later, and then four, and five, and now all the way to eight.

Many significant events have transpired during the past thirty-five years. We have listed ten different addresses, located in three states, as our home address. We have owned ten vehicles, if my memory is correct, not counting the cars the boys bought while they were still living at home. We have owned more pets than I care to remember, including fish, hamsters, guinea pigs, birds, cats, and more dogs than we should have. Among the pets were many that were the unintentional kind that boys would expect to bring home, like tarantulas, lizards, snakes, and turtles.

When we took the wedding vows, Sharon assented to take me for better or for worse. I am sure that in the past thirty-five years, she has received the worst of me and I hope some of the best I have to offer. We have also endured through the sickness and health thing as well. According to the vows, we have done the poor thing and it is still possible we will experience the riches, although I am not holding my breath.

These thoughts were triggered in my thinking by an article I read that indicated young people are taking the plunge into marriage at a much older age than in the past. Depending on the survey you read, it seems that men are waiting until nearly twenty-eight for marriage, and women until age twenty-five.

Sociologists explain that the delay in marriage is the result of several factors. Many are waiting until they finish their education, some delaying the marriage until all of the student loans have been repaid. Others are holding out until they are established in a career. They want to own a house and a nice car before they begin building a family. Some have suggested that young people arrive at maturity at a much older age than in the past. This is probably because they have been pampered by over indulgent parents.

Regardless of the reason given, everyone seems to think that being older on your wedding day is a good thing, an improvement over the way things were done in the past. While I am sure there are some advantages to postponing marriage, I am not sure it always the best thing. In fact, delaying the commitment of our lives to another person might be a big loss.

Make note that I defined marriage as committing our life to another person. I don’t mean marriage that is defined as changing our name or putting all of our stuff together. To me, marriage is all about commitment. You can have marriage without commitment, or even with a weak commitment, but I doubt if it will survive thirty-five years.

I was twenty-three years old when Sharon and I married. When you drag out the photo albums, it is hard to believe I was even that old – I looked like a fourteen-year-old child. Even though I was young, I knew that marriage was all about commitment. On that summer afternoon in Northglenn Colorado, Sharon and I gave ourselves completely to one another. In the years since, neither of us have ever even considered separation or divorce as an option. We have had disagreements, arguments, differing opinions, and stubborn stalemates, but both of us knew we would find the solution. We never allowed ourselves to have any other option.

I think our commitment has been stronger because I worked the first year so she could finish college and she worked several years so I could get an advanced degree. Our marriage is stronger because we learned to live with essentially no money, scraping to get the basic necessities. Compensating for one another during times of serious illness has been another strengthening factor. We had to build a strong marriage because it was our only means of survival.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am concerned if young people wait until they have every need met and every eventuality properly planned before they allow another person into their life. It might cause them to miss the experiences that produce thirty-five year marriages.

Sharon and I were talking the other night and she was not sure we would live long enough to have another thirty-five years. I don’t know if we will either, but we’re going for it!

Comments

[Andrea Preissler]

Happy 35th Anniversary! Sharon is a saint but you already knew that - love you guys,
Andrea

[Jeremy Austin]

Well, I'm glad you left my candle burning. Happy anniversary.